It has been weighing on me somewhat that my clothes don’t cut it locally. From a warmth point of view but more importantly a smartness point of view. So I’ve been stocking up on designer threads ‘cos they are soo much cheaper here than in NZ. Like way cheaper, no point not wearing them, cheap.
Generally the outdoor lifestyle, relaxed outlook and informality of NZ is reflected in how people dress. There are clear individual styles and no real rules, particularly for guys, on what you should wear.
Fade to London. Must have nice, polished black dress shoes, must have belt, must have dark blue jeans, must have nice shirt. Getting the picture? Given I work in agencyland, jeans, dress shoes and a good shirt is standard. However, 1 good pair of each is deficient.
Even the suits here follow an automaton style. Slimming, single breasted, two buttons (the bottom of which shall never be buttoned). If you are wearing a tie, never striped tie, striped, shirt stripped suit. Or something like that. Best to go with plain if you want to mix it up. Thankfully I don’t wear ties unless it is for interviews. Which I don’t go on. So my Keith Matheson suit wasn’t quite right either.
Worst thing is I’m retiring my Cats from work. Those chunky soles are not client friendly though if it snows I can wear them 
So over the last few months I’ve slowly been replacing or adding clothes that help me blend in with the natives or stand out in a good way. In here lies the joke.
Enter Hugo Boss.
Me: Hi, I’d like to try these shoes, size 8 or 9.
Shop assistant: All our sale shoes are sold out in that size.
Me: (Ok then end of conversation, no attempt to check the other stores …) Oh well I’ll look at suits.
(Standing around thinking my tatty jeans and cats probably aren’t their usual customer garb but fuck, I could be a rockstar. I AM A ROCKSTAR. See suit look around for SA. Massive avoidance of me by SA’s whilst serving anyone that looks Russian or Middle Eastern. Ok will tackle one.)
Me: Hi I’d like to try this on.
SA2: Ok (almost throws jacket at me).
(Jacket tried on too small, look around. Where the fuck has he gone now! Go look for next size up – 40R and 32 waist – my usual size which I would have told him if he had just taken an instance. Oh there he is, tackle again. This time I’ll get him around the knees).
Me: Too small do you have the next size up in Charcoal?
SA2: (Busy expression) I’ll check (goes away comes back). Only blue or black.
(I try on the jackets for both, black it is, want to try on trousers but the fucker is gone again. Grrrr. Take trousers head to changing rooms)
SA3: Just take a room … (clearly sensing a sale)
(Try on suit trousers, fall looks right, but need loaner of shoes to check. SA3 on it. Lucky girl you will save the day. Go out check suit in light and mirror, perfect fit as normal.)
Me: I’ll take it.
(Buy suit, suit bagged, walk once more to look at shoes, pick up shoes carrying shiny suit bag. Discuss shoes with SA2 now I have his attention and he mentions sizing here is big. Size 7 might work!)
SA*2: Can I help?
(Avoid one that didn’t help last time, talk to other, try 7, no fit but SA4 arranges for shoes to be held at the store close to my work for purchase next day).
LESSON: Service, even when buying something expensive here, does not cut it unless you look Russian or Middle Eastern or are carrying purchase from said store or competitor.
NOTE: Was wearing AX jacket and carrying Ben Sherman bag from recent purchase (service there 8.5/10). It’s not as if the signs weren’t there.
SERVICE SCORE: Service wasn’t awful once they were convinced I wanted to buy something. It just took some convincing. That would be fine if I were buying something from Tesco’s superstore but I wasn’t. Unless that is, Tesco are seen by Hugo Boss as their big competition. Oh and people – facial expressions are visible …. 6/10.
PROBABILITY: I don’t want someone on their knees sucking me off, I just want efficient knowledgable service and advice which took some time to get. I will be heading to Armani next time I want a suit and shoes.
